If you learn only one thing from my stuff, make this it.
Focusing on what you do not want is the cause of all suffering. And it is easy to tell when you are doing this. Anytime you find yourself experiencing unwanted emotions, and the negative actions that go with them, you can be sure you are focusing, unconsciously, on what you do not want. Hopefully all my previous posts have given you some insight into why and how you do this.
So the next time you find yourself experiencing unwanted emotions and actions, you can do one of two things.
You can do what most of us have learned to do. You can stop thinking consciously, and allow the situation to control you. When you do this, sometimes you get what you want, sometimes you don’t get what you want, and sometimes you get what you don’t want. You allow the unwanted emotions and actions to make themselves more powerful. The “software” in your unconscious mind that causes you to react this way just becomes stronger. Since you did not consciously send other instructions, your genie thinks this is what you want. These unwanted reactions can become extremely powerful over time because we allowed them to run unchecked.
I reacted in the above way for the first fifty years of my life. Then I discovered the following process.
The Witness
The next time you begin to suffer because of an unwanted outcome, step back in your head and simply observe your internal and external reactions. Don’t resist, just watch, with no agenda for the outcome. Watch, with curiosity, the feelings and actions you are having. Notice where the emotions are occurring in your body (neck, legs, stomach..). Notice the actions these emotions are causing (talking loud, hitting something...). Notice the thoughts / pictures you are making in your mind (focusing on what you do not want...). See if you can figure out what beliefs you have that would cause this reaction. Like a scientist that has discovered a new insect in the jungle, just watch with curiosity.
I guarantee you the unwanted reactions will just fall away.
You can not experience unwanted reactions while you are in this witness (conscious) mode. And, most importantly, you send a message to your unconscious mind that you no longer wish to react in the negative way. Instead of adding power to the negative software, you begin to disempower it. The next time a similar situation occurs, your reaction will not be as strong. Eventually, if you continue to watch instead of react, it will lose its power over you completely.
While this may seem like a simple thing to do, in the beginning it wont be. Remember that your unconscious mind thinks that the old way of reacting is how to keep you safe. It will fight to keep this old software. You may find, as I did, that you can only stay in the witness mode for a few seconds at first, and then the old software will kick back in. Let this be ok, and switch back to the witness as soon as you become aware.
The witness process is a way of running your mind consciously, as opposed to allowing it to run on automatic. It may be hard for some to adopt it at first. But with practice, patience and persistence it will become habit. It changed my life. I still experience unwanted outcomes, but for the most part, they no longer control my life. I find that I am peaceful and happy most of the time, and having a lot more fun.
A couple of notes:
If suffering is one side of the coin, curiosity is the opposite. When you are being curious, you are totally nonjudgemental and emotionaly positive.
There are many opportunities to practice witnessing in every day life. One of the best for me was while driving. Next time some other driver does something you dont like, try switching to the witness mode. You will begin to understand the process.
Questions?